Reflections

It probably wasn't until college that I truly celebrated Easter.

Because it wasn't until college that I truly celebrated Good Friday.

I discovered for the first time that the trumpets and lilies and joy of Sunday morning don't really mean anything without the gut-wrenching sorrow of Friday night.

This truth was rattling around in my heart as I wrestled with the second anniversary of Noah's death.

You see, Noah died a day before his first birthday. So every year I am faced first with the anniversary of saying goodbye to him and, just a short 24 hours later, the anniversary of welcoming him into this world.

Part of me is thankful that these two hard days happen at the same time.

Part of me wishes that Noah's birthday wasn't tainted by the sorrow that we feel as we remember losing him.

But this year I had an epiphany of sorts. You see, to me, these two days are not unlike Good Friday and Easter.

Just like Good Friday, August 16th will always be a day of sorrow for me.

It is a day when Josh and I had to make the hardest decision of our lives... to take Noah off the ventilator. It will always make my heart ache and tears flow. It will always remind me of how much I miss my little boy.

But Easter follows Good Friday and joy follows sorrow. The tomb was empty.

I want August 17th to be a day of joy. Joy in remembering the wonderful year we had with our son. Joy in recognizing that Noah's grave is also empty. That he is romping around the fields of heaven perfectly healed and whole.

And that has to make you smile.

"Weeping may tarry for the night, but joy comes with the morning."

(Psalm 30:5b, ESV)

Eli Cruises

Needless to say, the childproofing has begun.

Brothers

Choosing to remember

Two years ago today we had to say goodbye to Noah.

How I miss seeing his sweet face.

Blessed Be Your Name

In the land that is plentiful

Where Your streams of abundance flow

Blessed be Your name

Blessed Be Your name

When I'm found in the desert place

Though I walk through the wilderness

Blessed Be Your name

Every blessing You pour out

I'll turn back to praise

When the darkness closes in, Lord

Still I will say

Blessed be the name of the Lord

Blessed be Your name

Blessed be the name of the Lord

Blessed be Your glorious name

Blessed be Your name

When the sun's shining down on me

When the world's 'all as it should be'

Blessed be Your name

Blessed be Your name

On the road marked with suffering

Though there's pain in the offering

Blessed be Your name

Every blessing You pour out

I'll turn back to praise

When the darkness closes in, Lord

Still I will say

Blessed be the name of the Lord

Blessed be Your name

Blessed be the name of the Lord

Blessed be Your glorious name

You give and take away

You give and take away

My heart will choose to say

Lord, blessed be Your name

Something tells me...

...that the volleyball season is getting ready to start!

Late summer favorites

TV: Covert Affairs

Brainless fun, really. But really fun.

Food: Dark Chocolate Granola Thins

Yes, please.

Books: The Hunger Games triology

This is a young adult fiction series that has made the crossover to grown-ups. With good reason. The first two books are amazing and I read them both in three days time. Now I am left twiddling my fingers waiting for the third to hit bookstores next week.

Eli: Baths outside in the evening.

Naked chub on the front porch. Need I say more.

Stuff: Sherpani diaper bag

I bought this with birthday money and am completely in love. See that little pocket on the front? My iPhone's new home.

Blogs: Catalog Living

How did someone not think of this before now? Bite-size pieces of humor everyday in your google reader. Gary and Elaine, you complete me.

August is a hard month

August is a hard month.

It is really, really, really hot. I don't really want to leave the house but I am becoming a little stir crazy.

Josh started pre-season last week. Which means that, after having him around much more than normal for the past few months, he suddenly is gone 12+ hours a day.

It is back to school time. Which makes me really miss setting up my classroom and the excitement of starting a new year with new students.

And then there is my little Noah man.

On Monday, it will be 2 years since we had to say goodbye to Noah.

On Tuesday, he would have turned 3 years old.

I try to imagine what he would have been like as a 3-year old... what he would have looked like, what his favorite toys would have been, how he would interact with his brother. I replay all the decisions we made during those hard days and wonder. And I let my heart ache.

I miss my sweet boy.

Current projects

1. Figuring out how to be a good mom

2. Learning Adobe Lightroom (through trial and error plus a little instruction from the help menu)

3. Learning Photoshop (through Classroom in a Book plus a little instruction from Josh)

4. Figuring out how to be a better mom

5. Contemplating the possibilities of digital card making and scrapbooking

6. Brushing up on Chemistry 101 through iTunesU.

7. Watching Veronica Mars seasons 1-3 on Netflix.

8. Building an obstacle course to keep Eli away from the surround sound speakers.

9. Maximizing nap time!

On the move

There are a lot of attempts at walking and crawling

going on in the Lauer house right now.

I'm trying to get video, but here are a few pics to show the action.

(I think it is hysterical the way his mouth is open!)

Watermark

For my birthday, Josh gave me an awesome program called Adobe Lightroom.

Up until this point, iPhoto has served me quite admirably. I love the simplicity of the program and, with a few exceptions, I felt like it met my demands as an amateur photographer.

But I am trying to teach myself Photoshop. And I am trying to become a better photographer which sometimes means becoming a better photo editor. And my husband likes to buy me cool programs for my computer.

And, so far, I love Lightroom. It is so much more powerful than iPhoto... both in organizing and editing my pictures... but is still fairly intuitive (which is more than I can say about Photoshop).

I'm still learning all the ins and outs of the program, but one of the features I love is the ability to easily put watermarks on the pictures I post on the blog.

What's a watermark? It is an overlay that establishes ownership of a picture. Please don't think that I have an overly high opinion of my photos that I need to protect them... I have just heard way too many stories of pictures from blogs being copied and used for other purposes without the blog owners knowledge or approval. I really don't want to make the blog private, so putting a watermark on my pictures seems like the best option.

I've been playing around with the design I like the best...

Can I have a translator please?

Watch me grow... eight months